my mom was right, everybody was right

i'm not fit for life sciences

why did i have to force myself to take this program

just to prove to.. who?

them? why do i need to prove to anyone but myself?

i dropped my chem course

guess i'm taking it in the summer,

if i'm not dropping out of my program

wtf am i even doing here?

the more i think about it, the more i don't know

and the more i feel terrible for making my mom pay the tuition and living fees

not to mention my shopping addiction.



i always think too much, over analyze each and every situation

to the point where i dont even know what im thinking about anymore



i'm also scared that i might've done something wrong..

something that goes against my faith

when it happened, i didnt think i was at wrong

and i guess i still dont

but i did some research online, keeping in mind that anyone can post

whatever they want on the internet

and according to some of "them", i am at wrong

i've been praying to God for answers



sometimes i dont feel like he's making the effort

to be with me, or do things for me

but at the same time, i dont want to be a bother

see what i mean? i dont even know what i want myself

so how am i suppose to expect others to know






it's also our one month tomorrow

my 18th. 

best. birthday. ever.





i had borrowed something from fionne and had yet to return it to her

so i offered to go up to her room to return it

right at 12am, she says i can come up now cos she was done showering.

i grab my phone and key card and head up, casually in my sweats and hoodie

not caring what i looked like, and forgotten what day it was.

just as i turn the corner, fionna and mewmew surprise me with a cake and iphone candle!(lol)

me: "HOLY SHIT!!"

cos i was so fcking surprisedd!!XD

around 2am, my roommate (emma) came back to our room

and hands me a box.

yet another surprise!!: a mysterious package from vancouver?!

at the same time, i was on the phone with steven

i was screaming from excitement as i opened the package,

and even ended up cutting my finger






a package from tracy containing:

"1. FOOD. Our favourite... and who doesn't love asian treats >< . And cause you need food cause you're so god damn skinny now. Also, I need to fatten you up for the cold winter in the east so you can hibernate. Speaking of cold...

2. SOCKS. Its going to be freezing where you are (HA!) so you betta bundle up!

3. THE FIRST KISS KIT » All you need for that special moment!

a. Dior Addict - you need kissable pretty lips (and sorry if I got you a colour you already havve, there's a gift receipt)

b. Gum - gotta ger your jaws moving (practice)

c. Mint - keep your breath fresh!

4. THE MOST BEAUTIFUL PLACE ON EARTH IN A JAR. I know you're probably missing Vancitayy so here's a bit of the Pacific Ocean when you're wanting to go home ."



i have such wonderful friends that care so much for me

this, itself, is enough to make me the happiest girl in the world on her 18th birthday

but it doesnt stop there.

for owen's birthday, i had insisted on seeing him cos i wanted to surprise him!haha

we had gone out for dinner and talked to catch up on things.

and so, he did the same for me.





we went out for lunch and he gave me a "dior butter"

which ended up being the perfume i had wanted the full size of.

ive known this guy for so long, but it's really only been now that we talk and hang out so much

that night, candy, jacky, allen, benson, fionne, and i went to litte italy

where we celebrated my birthday at la forchetta ristorante


 




i'm just so thankful for all the friends i have now.

they care so much about me and i really couldnt ask for anything more.





afterwards, we went to one hour to hang out

and steven drunk texted me =.=

i didnt want him to know when my birthday was, that's why he wasnt there with us

(it was later on that he found out, through my skype profile =3="

also cos i didnt invite him to our dinner cos we're not officially together yet)

the reason was because i didnt want him to go out of his way to do something for me

cos i knew he would've

so, he said he was going to go drinking with his friends, and i pretended i was ok with it.

not that i wasnt, but i did kinda wish he was there with me (even if it would've been awkward)

it was getting late, so everyone walked me and fionne back to res.

and slowly, november 3rd 2011 passed





thank you,

to my mom,my brothers,my aunts and uncles,kei and ting, and ryan and albert

for wishing me a happy birthday

to my cousin, gracia, that never ceased to care for me

to tracy for sending me the present and for putting it together

to emma for putting up with my late night calls with steven

to candy, jacky, allen, benson, fionne, mewmew for celebrating my 18th birthday with me

and for everyone else that wished me a happy birthday.